grown men run screaming from house......

sculptural electrical installation on my verandah

Sparkies are running scared from my house! They take one look and go white around the gills, or the electrical equivalent and break into a sweat. The first one quoted me a small fortune in the desperate hope that he would never get the job!  The last one was so sweet and polite and at one point looked at me very sincerely as we stood near a large pile of building debris and said, ' Have you had moments of feeling overwhelmed?' 'Well yes Glenn, I have', I said equally as sweetly and sincerely. 'It's probably one of the most challenging jobs I have quoted on,' he said his face going the colour of Polyfilla. He got into his van very swiftly and roared up the street. My house is very scary, well to electricians it would seem. I need an electrician who is not afraid. A heroic sparkie who is also affordable. Hopefully I find one very soon because  George Ace Handyman, my OBG, (Official Building Guru), is being held up by the lack of courageous sparkies and that will just not do.

So right now I need a good news story - below witness left the house as it was with completely rusted out gutters and no downpipes whatsoever, mildewed walls and junk lying everywhere and see it now all freshly washed and newly guttered with gorgeous charcoal grey gutters and downpipes. Who would have thought that guttering could be so exciting?!

and AFTER!!

BEFORE sad and gutterless..

OMG! another good news story

For some weeks  I have peered under the house and wondered what the old doors were like that I was sure I could see right under the middle of the house. The other day my curiosity got the better of me and I crawled under the house, which was a little scary, and to my amazement the doors I could see were a pair of beautiful old French doors! They are in great condition and must have been part of the original house in 1915. Now I just have to work out how to tell George Ace Handyman that the doorway he widened for me only a few days ago just needs to be made a few inches wider and higher to accommodate my new find.......

yours renovating by candlelight

Katerina x

why linoleum rocks

spooky happenings while ripping up carpets..... the spirits are disturbed

now where did I leave those cards?

Oh yes that's right back in 1916 I decided to leave them under layers of carpet for safe keeping you know like one of those time capsules. And there they where when we ripped up the carpets, preserved for posterity. Just joking not really 1916 more like 1986. Incredible what you find under all the layers of flooring.

When we pulled up the first lot of carpet I was so disappointed that we didn't find any old newspapers. To my amazement however when we pulled up the last lot of very old lino, lying underneath were a couple of envelopes addressed to the then owner, Miss Henderson. One was dated 1930 so had been preserved under the lino for the last 82 years.  There were also a few old newspapers dated October 1931with fabulous ads for 1930's fashion.

Sadly the newspapers are too damaged and stuck to the floor to save but it's amazing to imagine the house at that time in the 1930's.

And good old linoleum. I had no idea but it was invented way back in 1855. In the 1930's when Miss Henderson purchased her linoleum from Farmers Department Store in Sydney it was considered the epitome of fashion. It was made from ground cork and linseed oil bonded on to canvas or burlap and boy did it last. Click here for some lino patterns of the time. Linoleum really did rock back then and has preserved my floorboards beautifully.

yours loving linoleum
Katerina x

other stuff not renovating - what there's other stuff ??

6 things you may like to do that have nothing to do with renovating anything.....except maybe your heart and your music collection

1. do yourself a favour and check out Gotye's fantastic video mash up of Youtube covers of his own song

2. go and see the movie The Sapphires and listen to the incredible Jessica Mauboy singing What a Man

3. listen to one of my favourite singers  Sia    I go to sleep

4. check out Clairy Browne and the Bangin' Rackettes, great Melbourne band, singing Baby Caught the Bus

5. visit The World Needs More Love Letters  - a sweet and touching concept and maybe write your own and leave it somewhere to be found

6. and while you're writing love letters visit Bentlily because the world needs more poetry and sign up to receive a poem by Samantha Reynolds every day in your inbox just like this one

It rained on her a lot

When I am gone
someone will read all these poems
and think

it rained on her a lot

so let it be known
I love the way it sounds on the cabin roof
like hearing my old tap dance class
from down the hall

and the way the soil here is thick and heavy
like a sponge
like a happy drunk
a million hopeful saplings
digging their feet into the pulpy darkness
dreaming of sky

and all the oily slugs and worms
I like their languor
rolling slowly across the sopping grass
there is a serenity to their journey
a suggestion that we are
in this submerged moment
quite safe

so when I am gone
when someone reads all these poems
let them think

it rained on her a lot
what luck
what a wet
juicy
life. 

wishing you all wet juicy lives

Katerina x

liquid amber ain't liquid gold

dear people living in houses that don't require renovation
Yes you can sit back and read this with a air of contentedness....smugness even....it must be lovely living in a cosy house that has a kitchen that doesn't pre-date the war, and I'm talking World War 1, to have windows without SLAYER sprayed in red on them

and to have 'nice' bedrooms not alleged 'bedrooms' that would be fit for the remake of The Bride of Frankenstein.

the scene of many award winning horror movies

I am pleased to say that the Psycho Room setting of the Frankenstein nuptials is no more, and amazingly once the alleged 'curtains' were removed and summarily destroyed, sunlight streamed in and the room was in shock. 

Back in the front yard I was learning all about liquid amber trees. Hitherto I have been blissfully ignorant of liquid amber trees. It sounds like such a pretty name......liquid amber....sounds golden and gorgeous......oh you have a liquid amber in your front yard......how lovely for you.....they're beautiful in autumn........no they're not! they're evil, spreading their enormous roots under the house and through every underground pipe you have...silently wreaking havoc while you're distracted scrubbing SLAYER off the leadlight windows. My renovation guru George Ace Handyman nods knowingly when I tell him,' Ah yes liquid amber.....you'll have to get rid of that luv before it destroys the foundations.' 

Ah the things I'm learning, all about Liquidambar styraciflua  and the musical works of Slayer and Slipknot. All in a days renovation.

from under the branches of the liquid amber tree

Katerina xx

the joy that is a hardware store

dear lovelies
I was passing a hardware store the other day in the car and exclaimed enthusiastically to my friend, 'Now that's a really good hardware store over there. They have a great paintbrush section' It was, I thought, an unremarkable comment, but she turned and said to me in a tone of huge disappointment, 'What has happened to you? You used to be so sophisticated! You used to be my sophisticated friend!' 'Well,' I replied, wanting desperately to retain some air of sophistication,'I really don't see how the two things are mutually exclusive?! I can be sophisticated and love hardware stores and play the ukulele! It's called diversity and multi-tasking.'

Okay I confess a love for a good hardware store. That intoxicating smell of steel and rubber mixed with a bit of grease and garden fertiliser - you can't beat it. All those neat rows of shiny hammers and drills. What's not to like??

A good hardware store represents hope and possibility. The hope that yes you can renovate that disgusting kitchen and make it into something you could actually cook a meal in and the possibility of all those DIY projects you've dreamt about becoming reality. Yes of course you can convert the crumbling fibro garden shed into a palatial outdoor gazebo and of course you can make a fantastic bed out of those recycled timber doors and floorboards. Why do people want to crush your dreams?!!

The only thing that is wrong about hardware stores is that they don't really fit in with the current austerity measures that I, dear reader, have been attempting to implement. Going to a hardware store and not coming out with something handy like a multi-head screwdriver and a bag of gladioli bulbs is nigh impossible. But like the Spanish people I have been rebelling against aforementioned austerity measures. The government policy on such fiscal matters is going to have to change. This rebellion happened about the time that I realised that the $15 I was saving each week by denying myself my daily cappuccino (HUGE sacrifice) really needed to be about $15000 worth of savings to be of any use!! 

So Katerina della Austerita has been thrown out of office and Katerina della 'Ardware rules OK?! and she's like roolly sophisticated......

yours in the aisle with the really cool wheelbarrows

Katerina xx

some handy pre-purchase renovation advice

renovation

Variant of renovate

transitive verb renovated, renovating

1. to make fresh or sound again, as though new; clean up, replace worn and broken parts in, repair, etc.
2. to refresh; revive

the 8 rules of refreshing and reviving a house with broken parts in the cold cold mountains

1. never ever buy said property !

2. bad luck if you did buy it now you have to pay

3. never buy a property with a large liquid amber tree in the front yard with roots that extend under the house and are heading rapidly towards the sewerage pipes

4. marry a professional tree lopper

5. if the tree lopper has bad breath go for the electrician

6. never buy a property that has a sloping and inaccessible driveway that has no drainage and becomes a muddy sodden river of mud in the rain

7. forget marriage get it on with a structural landscaper who can build accessible concrete driveways

8. before you sign the contract realise that the house is a giant wooden ice cube and you are never going to feel warm.......ever again

yours feeling a little bleak in renovation land

Katerina xx

vomitus carpetus

dear lovers of a good floorboard

My house was feeling a little queasy the other day and vomited up a bunch of ancient, filthy carpets and lino but I think it feels a whole lot better now.......

The dust and dirt of the ages descended upon the carpet removal crew, Mel, Stella, Ingrid and myself, as we furiously tore and ripped our way to the bottom of layers of filthy carpets and lino to reveal the most beautiful hardwood floorboards. The transformation of the space was astonishing.

BEFORE

I use the term carpet loosely.......

AND AFTER  

gorgeous hardwood floorboards revealed

Ingrid and Mel apply finishing touches

I cannot wait to see the floorboards sanded and polished in a few weeks time. Luckily due to the fact that the original lino was never removed (judging by the pattern it dates back to at least the twenties or possibly even earlier) and layers of carpet variously stapled and nailed to the floor over the years, the floorboards have been beautifully preserved. The whole space feels transformed now that those smelly and disgusting carpets have gone. My thanks to the wonderful team of friends who helped in the transformation. The psycho room is no more. There is still more carpet and lino to go in other rooms but the worst has been done and the results are amazing!

yours in need of a really really good shower

Katerina x

ACME Carpet Removals 
'No carpet too putrid - no house too dilapidated'
Mel, Stella e moi  - carpet rippers extraordinaire